IT’S NOT A MIDLIFE CRISIS…it’s a quest for identity

IT’S NOT A MIDLIFE CRISIS…it’s a quest for identity

It’s a phrase that is over used and one that often indicates some kind of random behaviour or reaction to being in what is traditionally referred to the middle of our lives-“oh she’s got a boob job/toy boy/tan/sports car/tattoo/-must be having a midlife crisis…” The term is also often used as an excuse for a whole raft of things we are dealing-from weight gain, to memory loss, emotional outbursts and even bad fashion choices, but is a midlife crisis REALLY a crisis at all?

And given the choice would you really go back to your twenties? I know I wouldn’t!

Undoubtedly some women find themselves facing a challenging and possibly surprisingly enlightening time anywhere between their 40s and early 50s. It is a time when we start asking ourselves probing questions and wondering if this really is “it.” We may start to worry about our appearances more and start to feel a bit disenchanted with how our life has turned out. We might even look at our friends with envy and succumb to some low level comparisonitis!

This is all pretty normal behaviour because after all we are experiencing a new stage in our lives-BUT! It does not have to become a crisis. You can turn your midlife into your BEST life by taking a different view of what you have already achieved and by having an awareness of what is really going on.

If you are asking yourself deep and meaningful questions and evaluating your existence, then you may be feeling that somehow you just don’t fit into your life any more. Perhaps you feel that you are not on the right track because you have been living your life on someone else’s terms for so long. Maybe you have woken up and realised it’s time for you to make a change.

This kind of self-reflection can be positive and really useful. It allows us time to look at what we HAVE achieved and how far we have come. We can then start to see our life as a series of wins and experiences that are valuable and useful for us as we move forward. It is a great way to identify our strengths and address any challenges we are facing and the opportunities that exist for us to experience positive growth. 

A daily journaling habit combined with focussed personal development coaching helps us to come up with creative solutions to life’s challenges and allows us to appreciate what we can still achieve, as well as giving us a chance to look at how each area of our life is right now, and identify ways to improve or change things.

Take a look at just one area of your life and write down all that is good and working well. Now do the opposite and evaluate where things are perhaps not that good. Then write down how you would LIKE that area of your life to be right now. What actions can you take NOW to start making those changes?

The middle of our lives can be a scary time! We can feel fearful of what lies ahead and jaded about how our life is.  But instead of seeing nothing but a bleak forecast and then going into freefall, we need to be deliberately optimistic about the future. This is not about being in denial if we are facing challenges, but it IS about being able to identify positives and focus on them.

By using an Attitude of Gratitude writing habit each morning and evening, we allow ourselves time to focus on specifically positive and good things that we have in our lives. Take ten minutes after you wake and before you sleep to reflect on what has happened and write it down in your journal. You will sleep better and wake refreshed.

 Have you lost your sass? Confidence has taken a dive? Maybe your get up and go and has just got up and gone! Have you lost your passion or lust for life or are you just BORED?!

These are things that can affect us in midlife. We start to feel we are in a rut and can’t get out and even if we did what would be the point because slowly but surely we are becoming invisible and just disappearing into a beige and dreary background!

STOP!

It’s time to find your FUN again! Doing things that are perhaps not part of your routine are a really good way to kickstart your life and embrace new experiences while you work on your plans for the future.

Write about a time in your life that made you really happy. What were you doing? Where were you and who were you with? Why did you feel so happy? How do you feel once you have written all this down? Capture that feeing and start a list of new things you would like to do that will make you happy.

It’s all too easy to develop a feeling of loss at this stage of our lives. You may feel that you have not only lost your youth and the best years of your life, but that goals you had  planned have not come to fruition and wherever you had planned to be by this stage of your life just hasn’t happened.

It doesn’t matter! You have definitely lived a life and no doubt achieved things that you didn’t even plan to. Your time is never wasted and there is still plenty of time to set new goals and achieve new things.

Write down one goal that you would really like to achieve this year. What is it? Why do you want to achieve it? What will your life look like when you do and what will the impact be of that goal. Aiming for something is great but appreciating the changes it will bring is often overlooked. If we focus on the net result and the overarching impact it will have-we are far more likely to stay super motivated.

Did you know that pretty much anything can become a self-fulfilling prophecy-and negative feelings tend to be really good at it!

If we tell ourselves we are old, worn out, no good and we don’t deserve to be happy or have fun then that is probably what will happen!       

Your best years are NOT behind you! You have amazing and valuable contributions to make because of the life you have lived. More and more people are actually having the best times as they get older because they are waking up to the gratitude they have for the life they have lived and are living now and they feel good about themselves.

Happiness and success does not have to come to a screeching halt when you turn 40/50/60/70/80… Midlife is good-it is not a crisis. It is a time for reflection, evaluation and making positive change. It’s a time to identify what’s important to you now. Women are empowered and in good shape to continue with the next part of their journey. They are embracing change and there is no reason at all to think of this as any kind of crisis-we are simply on a quest to find our midlife identity and it’s an exciting adventure.

Let me help you on the next part of your adventure! If you are struggling with being in the middle of your life then I have the solution that I know can help you-just get in touch!

Find out about working with me here

Sarah x

%d bloggers like this: